late-night ramblings after a long day

Today I was possessed, as I have been for the past 4 days, by my driving desire to enter a 'new' work to the Fountain Street Fine Art's PAPER exhibit.  So even though it has been a long day, my heart and head are still spinning, and I felt that I might 'talk out' my thoughts here on my blog.  Today has brought up some fundamental questions that I feel many artists face now and then. 

the piece that I left @ FSFA

Fountain Street Fine Art is celebrating its first anniversary with a Paper Show (paper being the traditional first anniversary gift).  Besides wanting to be part of any show that this wonderful gallery puts on, James Welu, Director Emeritus of the Worcester Art Museum, is the juror.  

I have known about this call for weeks and I had SOOOOO many ideas.  But, as is usually the way my creative life unfolds, other life needs kept me away from focusing on this call, until this weekend, which was a little late.  

I mean - what a wonderful call - PAPER, anything to do with paper - my head was exploding with ideas -  

"Media may include, but is not limited to paper, oil, pastel, acrylic, watercolor, collage, photography, video, ceramics, metal, fiber, glass, wood, and stone. '

~i wanted to create an interactive piece with my little dresstag dresses, pinning these dresses on a wall (each with a fortune) to create a dress and encourage the gallery visitors to take a dress/fortune.  

Ever since I started the Dress Project I wanted to set up a situation where participants would disassemble a dress.  I always wondered how would the dress 'decompose', would there be areas of the dress that people would not remove?!??  But alas, couldn't fold enough dresses construct a dress.

~I also started a small paper mache dress - on which I was going to 'collage' letters and images of internal organs.  

This dress was going to reflect how I have been feeling during my divorce process - exposed and raw.  The initial dress form turned out very successfully, a nicely defined figure, but I didn't have enough 'quiet' or reflective time to be able to take the next step.

~I fantasized about expanding on my Daily Dress collages.  I wanted to push the possibilities of working with paper - collage, sewing, burning, transfers, . . . 

~I also have been working on a series of works on subscriptions cards ~ yes those pesky cards that are always falling out when you are trying to curl up to read Oprah.  And last time I checked subscription cards are paper.

But as the due date approached and the days/hours/minutes ticked away I was drawn to a piece that I started in March at the Vermont Studio Center.  It is a painting on paper, inspired by the wall paintings in my 2009 installation, 'this comes from within'.  

although I exhibited this dress
I didn't think it was finished

I started with a simple drawing which I then reworked and repainted, adding and embellishing with creatures and hands and insects and bodies.  I have started MANY projects using this painting technique - a mostly monochromatic line painting/drawing.  But with all these starts I have hardly finished one of them.  Even with the walls of 'this comes from within' I only stopped painting the walls because I needed to build an 8ft dress out of eggshells. 

So for the FSFA's Paper show I 'finished' my line painting on paper, which has churned up many doubts/questions in my creative soul.  

First, for the longest time many people felt like the painting was finished when I brought it back from Vermont.  But I didn't, I liked parts of it but I felt it needed more.  So off and on I have been adding and subtracting to the painting.  Then, in the past week I tacked it back on the wall and went at it.  Again I had some colleagues suggesting that it was done, but alas I kept seeing areas that I felt was weak, lines that I wanted to strengthen, so I kept on working.

the piece that I left @ FSFA

the 'start' of painting (VSC)

And I LOVED it - I LOVE this technique!!! It is very intuitive, I just start working on an area and I start to see new images emerging or morphing into something else.  I am drawn to creatures and internal organs; these painting seem to just unfold.  I think i could paint like this for hours and days (which I did @ VSC)

So why the questioning - I don't think there is any artist out there who hasn't struggled with the concept of 'over working'??!?!  Also as the 'last call' for entries was approaching I still kept seeing one more area to tweak, one more line to clean up.  And then when I delivered the piece and hung it with the other work I REALLY started to question the work?? I wanted to take it down and rip it up.

So I am struggling with questions ~ who knows when a piece is done?? How does one know?? If the work feels so authentic does that make it your real art, no matter what the end result is or the reception??

I am in the process of re-reading Art & fear: observations on the perils (and rewards) of art making by David Bayles & Ted Orland.  It is a good book about the obstacles that we artists deal with and even create for ourselves.  It addresses the numerous ways that fear can affect, alter and at times sabotage our art.  

Entering this painting to the jurying process has stirred up some emotions for me, one prominent emotion is insecurity?!? I surprised my daughters as I questioned if I should really leave the painting in the gallery.  It is hung by T-pins, so one of my daughters thought it might need a frame but then pointed out that a frame would obscure the surface texture!! 

I am thinking that these emotions are stemming from exhibiting something that is truly personal and new for me.  Besides the installation walls, this is a unfamiliar 'work' for me.  I wondered if I would have felt like a 'fish out of water' if I had submitted a dress?!? A few years ago it was a little out there to submit a sculptural dress but now I think of it as normal.

So why the whirling brain - the endless questioning of myself and my choices.  Was this the right piece to put into this show?? Now with my divorce I need to analyze which projects I spend time on - i need to consider the financial benefits and this makes my head spin.  

So thank you for indulging me in my ramblings and if you have any thoughts or suggestions I would be to hear them.  And even though I have more to say on this subjest, the clock is appoaching 2am and I am driving the carpool at 7:20 am.  (wish I wasn't such a night owl :)

So ~ नमस्ते, Buenas noches, Buonanotte, Bonne nuit, Slap Lekker, Gute Nacht & 

Happy Winter Solstice & peace

a week has past. . .

. . . since this year's Natick Artist's Open Studios, and I think I may be recovered enough to share the experience!! (if ever so briefly)

Provocative (Rope Dress) held court in the hall

After much muttering and procrastinating (anyone who reads my facebook artist's page may have seen some griping about needing to clean my studio) ~ I had a wonderful open studio!!!! Many familiar faces came by to see what I was doing and to get some peanut M&M's!! A great success even though I really didn't get my studio very clean!!! I know the chaos did 'scare'' a few folks off, but those who were brave enough to enter, LOVED what they saw ~ a real working studio!!!

creatures in their different states of display

 I had many interesting conversations and fabulous comments on my newer work - my creatures and my wall painting that I began at the Vermont Studio Center. 

I had my creatures greet visitors as they entered my studio.

Art talk by the peanut M&M's

a bit of an idea of how messy most of the studio was!!

There was much positive feedback about my wall painting that I started at VSC this past March. It was fascinating to watch visitors stand in front of this piece and just get lost in it's magical world.  there was some discussion about me painting a wall in a house like this, which I would LOVE to do!!! 

series of Carbon Footprint Dresses with Poetry Dress

And I also was able to show all my carbon footprint dresses that I have done this past year.  These too got a lot of attention.  And, of course, I created a NAOS 2011 carbon footprint dress! 

after one day

NAOS 2011 carbon footprint dress

And I also rolled out my newest greeting card to much, much success!!! Still working out all the details but I hope to be able to offer these on Etsy or my web site, soon!!

 So, all in all, it was an exhausting yet exhilarating weekend ~ full of insightful conversation ( where is the creativity in the carbon footprint dresses?), joking, 'footprint'ing, exploring the mess and lots of fun.

 I thank everyone who stopped by during such a beautiful Fall weekend & for those who didn't, there is always next year?!? :) peace

artistic existential angst

so .... I feel like it has been years since I have posted on this blog!! I have been working on my daily dress project blog ~ which I wonder what is the purpose of doing it, but then I still do. But now here I am!!! And I feel like sharing what I have been experiencing lately. As I think about it, it is yet another roller coaster ride, ups and downs (more the downs) ~ and there are many legit reasons for this ride, but every time I speed into the loopty-loop I feel scared and lost, and maybe sharing will help me and others!!

So in the past month, give or take, I have had a mind blowing experience at Vermont Studio Center, as well as set up and took down 2 significant gallery shows. The latter alone can send me into a minor tailspin but I think the combination has taken its toll. Also I returned from a time of living and breathing art to a schedule that doesn't allow for much studio time ~ teaching (with extracurricular activities) and a family that really missed me and wants their due!! Add to that the revelation from VSC to take better care of myself!!! whew!! In fact today was an 'old Virginia' day, which means high energy, get in as much as I can!! It was a great day but this falls under the category of burning the candle at both ends ~ up @ 6ish to get girls ready & off to school, teach from 8-2:30, then pickup girls and friends for an artistic field trip, dinner and some much needed flip-flop shopping!! I love these days and the artistic field trip was to ArtSpace in Maynard for Catherine Evans' show, Struggling with Entropy. It is a wonderful show - so inventive and talk about a woman who knows her way with materials - 14. 2 miles of gimp, Clementine boxes, yoplait cups and sharpies on medium-density fibreboard (MDF). It is an spirited show, sadly ending on Friday. The wall of gimp is breath-taking, viewed up close it is one thing: a study of gesture and color combinations and technique. Viewed from a distance it is another: a study of color and movement. Catherine is an inspiring soul ~ full of ideas with the courage to develop them!! Talking with her this afternoon was stimulating, it helped me to feel like the artist that I am. She had also set up an interactive work station with squares of MDF and sharpies of every color ~ so I sat down and drew a dress!! Working with the sharpies on the MDF is dreamy ~ she has created a large wall piece called, "too many markers to count" which I have admired for awhile, so it was delightful to make my own design. And I am happy with it, although I am thinking about putting some text behind the words.

I have been doing a few thing with text lately. I love to work with words, legible and illegible. I like to think that the essence of the word is in the work, even if it can't be read. I started this diptych about my VSC experience and both sides have words. The background of the piece on the left is filled with words about my experience and I am thinking of putting words behind my sharpie/MDF dress. Words that convey strength, knowing, courage and spirit!! to note finding my artist self again!!

The idea for the diptych pieces came from my daily dress project/journal. Both of the visiting artists @ VSC were drawn to my daily dress book. Both were fascinated and suggested that i create the pages in a larger format & this is what I did for the VSC diptych. I don't think they are as successful as the pages in the book which are intimate and manageable ~ but it is a good experiment. It is interesting once the first ddp (daily dress project) book was done I was a bit at sea on how to continue. I loved the idea of making some days bigger and some small. But as with so many things - reality trumps idea. So I have a new moleskin book, but even with that I am struggling ~ saving many materials from each day but not being able to create the pages :(. Time is the culprit!! and I must remember that ~ not that I have lost my 'touch'. All those artists out there know what I am talking about - any blip is your work and immediately you question you place in this world as an artist.

So I am struggling with that question and how much does one alter their life to accommodate this desire, or does one even have a choice?!? I am believing more and more that I don't have a choice ~ if I am not creating I implode. So, voila ~ artistic existential angst. More on the issue, but now pillows beckon, haven't seen them for around 18 hours. peace

return from Brigadoon

I CAME......

(an empty, clean studio, full of possibilities and potential)

I SAW......

(soon pink and red was popping up EVERYWHERE)

I CONQUERED...... ( & CLEANED)

(an empty, clean studio ~ ready for the next lucky artist)

I am back from my few days in paradise, Vermont!! As I am transitioning back to reality I am powerfully aware of how fortunate I was to be able to have this experience and that I will be living and learning the lessons that i got in Vermont for days, weeks, months and years! There is so much I want to share and to explore about my time that it can be a bit paralyzing ~ so I am going to take the advice from one of my favorite books by Anne Lamott, "Bird by Bird", translation one step at a time.

So along with a quick peek at the stages of my studio space, here are the most wonderful artists that were in the firehouse studio building with me. We had a unique experience because our walls did not go all the way to the ceiling so we had more of a communal feeling with much cross pollination ..... click on their names to see their websites ~

Emilee Lord

Sophia Narrett

Emily Bowser

Jon Geiger

and lastly,

my signature on the door frame of my studio ~ a tradition for all departing artists.

peace

carbon footprint series

the idea:

having the public create the contrast needed to make the image.

I tape off a dress form on paper then remove the tape after a certain period during which the paper has been walked on.

Speaks to the accumulative effects of human presence on Mother Earth,

as well as the feelings that some people may experience in certain situations and/or relationships.*

* thanks to my dear friend and awesome illustrator/artist Jeffrey Decoster for some of the above verbiage

The first carbon footprint dress was set up at Fountain Street Fine Art, and was walked on for the duration of my two person show with Lisa Barthelson ~ March 4th - March 27th.

Today I unmasked the dress and hung it in the gallery. There is a short video at the bottom of this post.

At Vermont Studio Center I set-up two carbon footprint dresses ~ one small one outside my studio door. The other one I set up for a very short period & put it right inside the studio building's door. I set it up for the 'open studio' evening when all the artists tramp around the VSC campus to see what everyone else has been doing. So although it was a brief time for the dress to be exposed, there was intense traffic. My studio building buddies were happy to be the first to put on their prints.

...after a few hours of being walked on by shoes and boots tramping through the Vermont snow and mud!!

I am very excited about this series. i am trying out different things each time - different tapes, different papers (I want to find one that will REALLY pick up the dirt!!!!! any suggestions???) and I like experimenting with the dress ~ with the VSC open studio dress I put in some 'pleats' in the dress's skirt. So here are the first two, hopefully to be joined by many more!!!

video of the final unmasking of the Fountain Street Fine Art Carbon Footprint dress

peace