Last weekend I had the privilege of spending 2 luscious days
camped out at a monastery with Michael Dowling and 5 other creative and
vivacious artists.
It was an amazing 48
hours where I was reminded of my place as an artist while experiencing Michael’s
many observations, one of them being the interconnection of everything and how
we need to have faith that where we are is exactly where we need to be.
Michael Dowling has come into my artistic life off and on for
many years, usually at a time of self-doubt and artistic struggle.
He gave me the awesome opportunity to create
my installation; ‘this comes from within’ in his gallery at
Medicine Wheel in
2009. So it was really no surprise that I had ended up at one of his artist’s
retreat, although I almost didn’t get there.
I was coming off a few intense, emotional weeks – helping my
parents after my father’s surgery as well as continuing the labyrinth of
getting divorced and caring for my girls.
Upon returning from Phoenix I was feeling overwhelmed and tired.
It was my youngest, Harriet, who encouraged me to go on this
artist’s retreat when she heard about it ~ two days before it began. Harriet knew it was exactly what I needed.
I knew
this was EXACTLY what I needed. However, when Friday afternoon came, instead of packing
my car, I fell into bed, questioning my ability to even drive the 1½ hour to
the retreat and my role as an artist.
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| Bexley @ Kenyon |
While I pondered the idea of just sleeping for years, my
phone beeped. It was a photo text from a
number I didn’t recognize. In my sleepy state thought it was from the folks from
the retreat showing me where we were going to work. I had inquired about what I needed to bring
and about the facilities.
When I saw the picture, my heart skipped a beat. I knew we
were going to a monastery and this picture had a ‘scared’ feeling. In fact it
looked exactly like my old studio at Kenyon College, a place I loved and
basically lived.
Bexley, the building
that housed the art department, had been Kenyon’s seminary and now the theology
student’s old rooms were the art student’s studios. I felt a huge connection between
the past divinity school and the art department, both working from a more
intuitive and spiritual place.
So out of the blue, when I was truly about to disappear from
the world, I get this picture that got me out of bed. I thought if there was a chance of working in
a place similar to Bexley then I am there.
And in fact, why wasn’t I there NOW!!!
I scrambled to gather any supplies that I might need - paints, canvases, yarn, crochet hooks and
of course subscription cards. I also
figured out that the picture was in fact of Bexley, sent by artist/illustrator
and friend Jeff Decoster, from the West Coast,.
He had just found it on his computer and thought I’d enjoy seeing it!!!!
Thank you UNIVERSE!!!
It was this picture that got my weary self out of bed and into Friday
evening Boston traffic.
When I finally found the monastery, in the dark, I was
greeted with a wholehearted hug from Michael and a delicious meal at a table of
kindred spirits! exactly what the doctor
ordered.
Once dinner was over we wandered through the building we were
allotted, each setting up our work place.
I settled at a table in a library, surrounded by shelves of books about
religion, and pulled out one of my subscription cards.
As the evening went on Michael saw my card and made the correlation
between my ”doodles” and many of the Celtic illuminations found in the
surrounding books. At the word ‘doodle’
my being stiffened. As much as I love
doodling that word conjures up more derogatory emotions than positive ~ I was
constantly criticized and penalized for
my doodles in school and doodling is associated with wasting time.
doodle |ˈdoōdl|
verb [ intrans. ]
• scribble absentmindedly : he was
only doodling in the margin.
• engage in idle activity; dawdle
“Absentmindedly’ and ‘idle’ are two words that don’t sit well with my puritan- ethic training.
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CARD#18
So I mentioned my reaction to Michael and he questioned me. “why not call them doodles?? Doodling is the most intuitive and authentic form of drawing?!?? Aren’t the illuminations on many of these surrounding books doodles, in one way or another??? And with those words Michael found the Book of Kells and began to lay my cards among the pages. There was a relationship. |
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| a transfer in my tester book |
By referring to my cards as doodles, Michael had stirred an insecurity. I have been wondering about these cards, in
reference to my artistic journey. I have
been questioning their integrity. I had
started them a year ago and put them away because I convinced myself they were
an idle activity.
My desire to do draw on my ‘cards’ was almost overwhelming. I have begun a test book full of transfers of
these cards ~ some that I work back into.
I have done some transfers on ‘good’ paper that I rework. And yet I was fighting that urge and when
Michael saw this he asked, “why fight it, think of these works as illuminations.”
With that suggestion I was able to breathe deeper and I felt
a peace.
I recognized a part of me that
would LOVE to be one of the monks that would go into these vast sunlight halls
to sit at a long table and make drawings all day long.
Whenever I am able to go on a retreat or residency I become
extremely monastic – I just want to work!! I enjoy the communal meals, I LOVE
that someone else is cooking!!!
But
bottom line is that I am completely happy alone, with my art supplies.
So I ‘doodled’ for the remaining time of the
retreat.
When it was time to leave I had a few more subscription
cards in my collection and some photos of a connection between manuscripts done
centuries ago and my doodles that I am driven to do today. Where do I go from here??? Not sure, but I left the retreat with an assurance that I need to explore this ‘card’ journey further, even though I am not sure why. More about this experience to come . . . but for now ~
peace
