inspiration and trust

Besides the weekly creative challenge that Illustration Friday offers me, I love visiting the sites of the multitude of creative souls that also participate. Besides seeing how they have interpreted the topic, I am privy to their words of wisdom, their successes and their struggles. This is so nice because the world of the artist has its solitary moments~ many times we are out there slaying demons all by ourselves. But blogs, facebook and other electronic outlets has given us ways of creating communities and places of support. I mention this because last night I came across a post from a fellow illustrator that rang so true that i needed to share.

The site is Dream & Vision by Susan Sorrell Hill, an artist and illustrator living in Northern California. I have enjoyed her illustrations and her posts many times but yesterday she wrote about her "conscience .... that ubiquitous back-seat driver who is rarely content, and when she is, it’s only for the brief moment before something else is unsatisfactory" ~ WOW, I know that voice! I refer it it as my monkey and moments before reading Susan's post I had been talking with a good friend about how I am SOOOO tired of this voice ~ the guilt, the self doubt, BLAH!! For whatever reason this voice has increased in volume and intensity, seeping into all aspects of my life!! I feel like i am constantly engaged in a sumo wrestling match in my head ~ between what i feel in my heart and what my monkey says I 'should' do. I have been told it is part of the creative process, but I feel this struggle uses so much energy and strength that i would rather be putting into my art and my family.


So I was heartened to read Susan's post (I am not alone) and to hear about her approach to quiet the voices. I haven't tried flower essence therapy but want to. I am working on being more positive and trusting myself through mediation and in my studio work. Just this week I started a series of artist trading cards and my first one was a 'trust' dress!! Also, in my studio, I have been working on a series what I refer to as 'intuitive painting' ~ the same approach that I took with the walls of my installation, 'this comes from within' ~ just paint and don't think, listen to my heart and not my head. I am painting on canvases and on shaped pieces of wood ~ and I am very excited about this work!! But I have been so surprised on how mentally hard this has been?!?!? I am painting away & my monkey is basically screaming at me that I am wasting my time, this is just doodling, playing it safe... but if i try and do other work I soon find myself back at my canvas....go figure. So I recognize that the need to create this work & I want to honor that need, so I will try to quiet the monkey.

So if any one has any suggestions about how to quiet those annoying voices ...PLEASE share!! I would be love to hear them. I am feeling that itis time to shake this monkey (or at least quiet him). I was watching Ella Enchanted with my daughter this week and in this movie the main character, Ella, needs to overcome her 'gift' of obedience. I have watched this movie a bunch of times but this time I watched it with new eyes ~ I need overcome my 'gift' of self doubt, overwhelming sense of guilt and lack of confidence. wish me luck!!!

Hope all have a good weekend. & my illustration friday piece will be coming later!!! peace!!